.Mimi I didn't know what to do with my mind today.
I stayed busy and really did good looking happy. Nobody knew that when I wasn't talking I was mostly thinking of you. I took notes and thought of all the things I need to do. I started new projects and my feet kept on walking. I finished my meals and chatted with new friends. I know you would want me to. I know you want my laughter to echo off the walls and in the house, but today it felt hollow. I felt hollow.

Now it's time for sleeping but I can't sleep.

Today I know I would hear your voice. It's your birthday. I would call and call and your line would be busy. I believe you were one of the few people in the United States without call waiting. So, when I would finally hear the ring, ring, ring I knew it was my turn; I would have your undivided attention. Nobody texting you or beeping in, no television on in the background, just you and me, our time. Today I don't get that. I won't get that with anyone ever again. I won't hear your voice and that plagues me.

You and me we were special. You and everyone, they were special. You talked to us and really listened to every word. Everyone who knew you also can relate to the fact that when it was over, it was over, and the phone was to be disconnected. Maybe because you gave the person on the other end so much undivided attention... our greed couldn't last forever.

Last year at this time was the last time I saw you, it was my last chance to hug you and feel your warmth. I'm so glad I got to see you for your birthday. Thankful I got to see you before we left the States.  I knew that might be the case, that I might not see you again, but I still hate it. I know it was time. I know you were ready, but it doesn't mean I had to be ready for you to go. My heart aches and I know you don't want that. The ache is smaller than when you left us but when I give in to myself it hurts just as bad as that day. I try not to let that happen as much. I tell myself you see and  hear me when I talk to you now. I think you do. Now there's no busy line though. I'm not going to lie... I would actually love to hear that sound again and know that if I kept trying that it would eventually ring. It would eventually be my turn.

Mimi so much has changed and I know you would continue to be so proud of me. I'm pretty sure that you would be proud no matter what though, I know you were biased towards all of us in your family tree. We were the Radney's after all and we're a special stock. That's what makes all grandparents grand, right? That unconditional love without having to put up with our tantrums or ridiculous boyfriends or ground us for breaking the rules. I mean, our parents love us unconditionally but grandparents have paid their dues and now it's time to just focus on the love part. Besides, you don't have to deal with us in the day-to-day grind.

We're in Hanoi now. Vietnam.....can you believe it? It seemed so far away when I was back home, now it might be my new home. I want to tell you my stories about India and here and all the other places I've been since you left. I wish I could hear you gasp, hear you laugh. We would have laughed together and it would have echoed off the walls. It wouldn't have felt hollow. If I told you my name meant "penis" in India it would have made you howl. I know it. Okay, I laughed just now... I can almost hear you..

I'll sleep soon and try to push it all down again. I'll do it. I'll do it for me, for you, for Brent. I promise I'll laugh tomorrow. I promise I'll smile and mean it. Today I had to let my sadness escape and that's okay.

Mimi I want you to know I haven't forgotten you.

Happy Birthday you cheeky southern belle.

We just left Australia and are happily beginning the Asian part of our tour. When we visited Thailand, several years ago, I loved the rich culture and religion that is so deeply ingrained in every day life from food, smells from burning incense, amazing temples, and timeless traditions. Now we are in Indonesia and I'm quickly feeling immersed in these things that I loved so much.

We happened to arrive in Bali during Nyepi which is a "Day of Silence." This is a celebration that is mainly celebrated in Bali and you can feel the energy and excitement from all, young and old. Tonight (March 8th 2016) is the culmination of a 6-day celebration and preparation for tonight's parades and other festivities. Tomorrow will be a complete day of silence and a complete shut down of the island. This means that there are NO flights coming in and out of Bali and on the small island we are staying on, Nusa Lembongan, no electricity (generators are too loud). We aren't allowed to leave our resort area or go to the ocean. My understanding is that tonight with these "scary" Ogoh Ogoh the evil spirits will be scared away and we don't want them to hear us tomorrow and return!

Overall, it's pretty exciting. Nobody is allowed on the streets except for police (making sure everyone is adhering to the rules, including tourists (nobody is exempt) and emergency vehicles.

Happy New Year y'all.

I'm experimenting with some new video shorts. I'm calling these A-Day-In-The-Life. Quick snipits of our day in Nusa Lembongan which includes some hard work on an Ogoh Ogoh!

The sights and sounds in New Zealand have exceeded my expectations. However, there is so much more to see than beautiful snow-capped mountains, volcanoes, and geysers; there is a magnificent world below the surface which is simply unimaginable.

During this part of our journey, in New Zealand, I expected adventure. I knew my limits would be pushed as I considered sky diving, sea kayaking, and other extreme activities. After all, that's kind of what this place is know for in addition to its beauty. Once I did a little research before arriving I also knew that one of my priorities was the glow worm caves. From the few adverts I had seen it looked like my nerdly dream come true to explore some bio-luminescent caves! So I wasn't surprised that when we signed up for this activity that some adventure would be included.

So if you are going to see the sights in New Zealand it isn't enough to just stroll through some museum-like exhibition. I mean, that is an option but why choose that if you are willing and able to work a little for the sights?! So, as we came closer to our decision we went all out. We chose  the black water rafting, abseiling, zip-lining, climbing waterfalls challenge to see the caves. It was a 5-hour adventure that could have lasted days and I think I would have loved every minute of it. Many in our 8-person crew were nervous as we began practicing abseiling (aka repelling) into a deep dark cavern where you have to wiggle through the "neck" of the cave before emerging into a large dark cavern. I watched as Brent happily roped in and lead our crew in the descent as the rest of us nervously watched on. At this point I was actually only semi-nervous as we had been rock climbing before so felt prepared in how to manipulate the ropes... but that "neck" looked pretty tight and I'm not too keen on small spaces.

After dropping in we continued the adrenaline by zip lining in complete darkness and  jumping into a dark stream in the middle of the cave. These last two pieces got my heart pumping! After that we worked hard, hard, hard, to paddle upstream to the end of the cavern.

 I'm sad to say that there are no photos or videos of this portion of the trip but it's all the more reason I urge you to make it to Waitomo if you are ever in New Zealand.

We were instructed to link up and turn off our lights. Shawn, our adventure guide, carried us through the darkness and down the long stream while we laid back and looked at the cave ceiling. It looked like a brilliant night sky. It looked like an eternal galaxy. It looked and felt like I was floating in heaven. Our rowdy whooping and hollering crew turned completely silent and there were only the sounds of the water was we floated down the dark, cool tunnel. It seemed like it lasted forever. I thought of my Mimi (who has recently passed) and I talked to her. "Mimi, can you see this? This is so amazing and beautiful and I hope you are with me right now to see this. I love you... I miss you so much." I prayed for my loved ones each individually, friends and family, and hoped that they could find the peace I had at that moment somewhere in their lives. I asked for health and happiness for everyone I know. I prayed that I would not forget the earthly silence and loud thoughts that streamed through my mind at that moment. I prayed that this peace, that I had right now, I would experience when it is my time to say goodbye to this world.

It was simply in-explainable really. I felt peace and hope and closeness to everyone I loved.

I know everyone in the group did not have that experience, but everyone did find it amazing. Everyone thought it was special. Maybe it is best I have no recording of any of this... I know that it would be able to capture that moment for me. I was thankful for the darkness in the cave so I didn't have to explain my tears. I needed a few more moments in those feelings without talking.

Eventually the tunnel float came to and end. In some ways I was relieved as it was like an intense therapy session. I'm still working through the loss of this great woman in my life and this voice-less therapy session was unexpected and caught me totally by surprise.

We were eased back to heart-racing stunts as we crawled, slid, swam, and climbed our way through the long long cave. My thoughts had to quickly come back to the task at hand.... moving forward out of the cave.

Brent and I totally agree, for different reasons, that this was an absolute highlight of our trip. We've been so many places, had crazy adventures, and seen so many beautiful things but this was definitely something super special. Unforgettable.

Thanks to The Legendary Black Water Rafting Co for making this possible and for helping me add this great experience to my resume of life.

We spent about 2 months in Africa visiting Kenya, Tanzania, Rwanda, Zambia, Zimbabwe, and South Africa. We started our African journey with a 14 day safari. I have a LOT to say about my experiences on this great continent but I'm just going to start with my personal favorite photos from the safari (out of the thousands and thousand we took).

They do after all say a picture is worth a 1,000 words.

I've tried to sit down several times over the last week and write other blog posts. I want to push my pain down far away for a few hours and dig into something else... but I just can't.  It doesn't feel right to just gloss over what I'm going through right now and post fun and fabulous pictures of the adventure I'm on. Today I'm not on an adventure. I don't feel fun and fabulous. These past weeks I'm not living a great life of travel. I'm far from my loved ones and at times feel like I'm on another planet. I need to face the ache in my heart and today that is in the form of sharing my experience.

My Mimi died on Dec 1st. She was more than my grandmother. She was my biggest cheerleader in life, she loved me fiercely, and she always made me feel better no matter the obstacles I was facing. Her absence leaves a hole in my life that will never be replaced.  That's okay because that space in my heart belongs to her and to our memories together. One of my friend's this week said, "if we didn't experience this pain it would mean we never loved," It was so true and I guess in a way I'm thankful for this pain because it did mean I experienced her love and I loved her deeply in return. I'm forever thankful for her role in my life. For the good and the bad she helped shape me as a person.

As death goes her and the family were blessed with a peaceful passing. She became very ill and declined relatively quickly. It seems to have given everyone enough time to say goodbye but not too long that she suffered unnecessarily.

She died peacefully with an entourage of visitors in her final days. Her closest family and those that loved her held her hand, brushed her hair, told her they loved her, and said their goodbyes.

Everyone that is.... but me.

Ireland was everything I had hoped for and so much more. The people were wonderful and the views exceeded expectations. My only regret is that we did not stay for longer and explore more of the country. We were on a limited time schedule and only had time to visit Dublin, Dún Laoghaire, Belfast, and Giant's Causeway, all of which are on the east coast of Ireland and North Ireland.

During this adventure I continue to learn the intricacies of boundaries, which I don't think I could have understood as easily without visiting this beautiful place. First of all the island of Ireland is divided into two different countries. The country of Ireland or, the Republic of Ireland, is the southern portion of the island. Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom and as the name implies, is the northern portion of the island. From my limited time there I felt a distinct difference between the two countries and the people that live in each... of course my only real exposure to Northern Ireland was Belfast and we stayed mostly in Dublin while in the Republic of Ireland, so I realize I would need to see more and stay longer to really make a true assessment of the differences between the two.

However, that aside this is an important difference when it comes travelers as it helps to understand when you will and won't get your passport stamped. For example, if traveling from London to Belfast, you won't go through passport control because you are in the same country. However, if crossing into the Republic of Ireland you will always go through passport control as it is it's own independent government.

So much has happened since April of this year. I mean, we left our jobs, packed up our stuff, and are currently living out of backpacks! My sense of normal has had a complete shift. Currently I feel like I'm "settled" if I am in the same apartment for more than 7 days.

Life has changed dramatically.

It feels like that is a whole topic in and of itself so I'm just going to try my best to focus on what I've learned from this trip so far.

 People always ask what my favorite place is so far and my answer is almost always the same... it depends. I have to break down places by type: big cities, natural beauty, quiet getaway, great food, cheap overall, you get my drift. But if you are simply looking through the lens of a camera you don't have to qualify anything the world in general is just an amazing place.

After traveling for about nine days in Iceland my bones were cold and my mind was overwhelmed. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet that our lives were more than a quick two-week vacation but now a full-time adventure. The pace in Iceland, moving from place to place every night was exhausting but I will affirm made me an expert packer! We saw so many lovely things in Iceland but it was time to relax and sit still, even if only for a week in Amsterdam. We rented a perfect little apartment just outside of the heart of the city. It was a quiet yet still bustling street and we had access to a lovely balcony overlooking the neighborhood. I loved the freedom of waking up sluggishly in the mornings and enjoying a cup of coffee in our first semi-permanent little home.

It was so funny to me that we had heard from everyone how crazy and party-filled Amsterdam is yet this is where I found a great sense of rest and reprieve. Just as Vegas many times served as a strangely relaxing place for Brent and I, where we could draw the heavy curtains and fall into a heavy undisturbed sleep each night, we did the same here. With no pressure to wake early because everything stays open most all day and all night it allows for a very open schedule; it was this same rhythm that had offered me peace in Vegas that Amsterdam fulfilled my great need.

Not to say we didn’t have a few fun nights here as well though. Of course we strolled through the red light district, which also similar to Vegas felt very touristy and like a sort of street-side burlesque show. We walked through the areas with “coffeeshops” which are the pot bars, not to be confused with “koffee shops," which serve actual coffee. We meandered through all the touristy and lovely sights that the city had to offer as well, including the Van Gogh museum.

After a week and feeling so settled it was difficult to pack our bags and hit the road again.. but our main goal was to make our friend’s wedding in Ghent, Belgium so had had to continue on our way.